Ethical Will and Legacy Letter (2026): What It Is, How to Write One, a Template, and 3 Short Examples
An ethical will is a letter that passes on what you believe instead of what you own. Your legal will handles the house and the accounts. This one holds the reasons: what you learned, what you stood for, and the things you’d like said plainly, in your own words. This guide covers what an ethical will is, how it differs from the documents you may already have, a six-step method, a fill-in template, and three short examples.
Quick answer
An ethical will, also called a legacy letter, is a short, personal, non-legal document in which you write down your values, the lessons your life taught you, what you’re grateful for, and what you hope for. To write one, decide who it’s for (family, a friend, a community, or nobody in particular), list three to five things life taught you, attach a short true story to each, add any thank-yous or apologies, and sign and date it. One or two pages is plenty. Keep it with your end-of-life papers, separate from your legal will.
About this guide
I’m Arthur Cho, founder of Memoirji, a tool that interviews people about their lives and writes up what they say. More than 250 people have finished a memoir with it. I wrote this guide from the history of the ethical will in Jewish tradition, Stanford Medicine’s ethical will guide for people living with cancer, and estate-planning guidance on what these letters should and shouldn’t do. The three examples below are made up, with invented names, to show the format.
What is an ethical will?
An ethical will is a document that passes on values rather than property. The name comes from the Hebrew tzava’ah, meaning “will,” and the tradition is very old. Stanford Medicine’s guide traces it to Genesis 49, about 3,000 years ago, where the dying Jacob gathers his sons to bless them and tell them where he wants to be buried.
For centuries these were spoken. Later they became letters. The earliest written one that survives is usually credited to Eleazar, son of Isaac of Worms, around the year 1050. About 140 years later, the translator Judah ibn Tibbon left his son this advice: “make thy books thy companions, let thy book-cases and shelves be thy gardens and pleasure-grounds.”
Today the practice has spread far beyond its religious roots. Hospices, cancer programs, and estate planners all recommend it, and most people now call it a legacy letter. It isn’t a legal document. It can’t leave anyone a house or a dollar. That’s the point: it carries the part of you that a legal will has no line for.
Ethical will vs legacy letter vs last will vs living will
| Document | What it carries | Legally binding? | Guide |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ethical will / legacy letter | Your values, lessons, stories, thanks, hopes | No | This page |
| Last will and testament | Property, executor, guardians | Yes | How to write a will |
| Living will (advance directive) | Medical care you do or don’t want | Yes, under state rules | Living will guide |
| Your own obituary | The public facts of your life | No | How to write your own obituary |
“Ethical will” and “legacy letter” are two names for the same thing. Use whichever one sounds less formal to you. Most people find “letter” easier to start.
Why write an ethical will
- It’s for you first. The physician and author Andrew Weil has argued that an ethical will’s main importance “is what it gives the writer in the midst of life.” Writing down what you believe makes you decide what you believe. Many people find that clarifying.
- It says what usually goes unsaid. Thank-yous, apologies, the reason you made a hard choice, the moment you knew what mattered. These rarely come up at the dinner table.
- It explains decisions. Estate planners suggest using a legacy letter to explain the thinking behind a will, such as why something was divided the way it was. A few sentences of explanation can head off years of hurt feelings.
- It gets read. Kathleen Rehl, a former financial advisor writing for Sixty and Me, says she rereads her mother’s legacy letter a couple of times a year and has never once gone back to reread her mother’s legal will.
What to include in an ethical will
There’s no required format. Stanford’s guide lists dozens of possible topics. These are the ones most letters come back to:
- Who it’s for, even if the answer is “whoever finds this”
- What life taught you: three lessons is a good number
- Your values and where they came from (a parent, a faith, a hard year, a job)
- What you’re grateful for, and to whom
- The stories behind the lessons, kept short and specific
- Apologies and forgiveness, written about yourself, not about others
- Your faith or philosophy, if it’s part of you
- Your hopes for the people you love, or for the world
- A favorite poem, hymn, prayer, or saying
- A closing line or blessing
How to write an ethical will in 6 steps
1. Decide who it’s for
Family in general, one person, a group (your congregation, your former students, the people you worked beside for thirty years), or nobody in particular. The letter changes depending on who it’s for, and every choice is valid. “To whoever reads this” is a perfectly good opening, and it often frees people to write more honestly.
2. Make three lists before you write
Give yourself ten minutes and three headings: things life taught me, things I’m grateful for, things I want understood. Don’t write sentences yet. Just get the items down. If you get stuck, our memoir writing prompts are sorted by stage of life and work well here.
3. Pick three lessons and give each one a true story
A value without a story reads like a fortune cookie. “Work hard” means nothing on its own. “The summer my father lost his job and still drove to the plant gate every morning to ask if they were hiring” means something. Choose the three lessons you’d defend the hardest, and attach one specific memory to each: a place, a year, what someone said.
4. Say the hard things carefully
If there’s an apology to make or a forgiveness to give, put it in plain words and keep it about yourself. “I was too hard on you about school, and I’m sorry” works. Settling scores doesn’t. A legacy letter lasts a long time, so anything sharp in it lasts a long time too.
5. Close with a hope, then sign and date it
End with what you hope for the reader, a blessing if that’s your tradition, or a line you’ve always loved. Sign it and write the date. Dates matter more than people expect when a letter is read years later.
6. Read it aloud, put it away, revise
Reading aloud catches anything that doesn’t sound like you. Then leave it for a week. Most people trim it on the second pass and add one story they’d forgotten. After that, decide whether to share it now or leave it with your papers.
An ethical will template
To [family / name / my friends at ___ / whoever reads this],
I’m writing this on [DATE], at [AGE], in [PLACE]. It isn’t a legal will. It’s what I’d want you to know about what I believe and why.
What I’m grateful for. I’m grateful for [person or thing], because [one line]. I’m grateful for [person or thing], because [one line].
What life taught me. First, [lesson]. I learned it when [short true story]. Second, [lesson]. I learned it when [short true story]. Third, [lesson]. I learned it when [short true story].
What matters most to me. [Two or three values, in your own words, and where they came from.]
What I want to say plainly. [A thank-you, an apology, a forgiveness, or the reason behind a decision.]
What I hope for you. [One or two hopes.]
[Closing line, blessing, or favorite saying.]
[Signature]
Three short ethical will examples
These are invented, to show three different readers. The names and details are made up.
To family
To all of you, from Dad. I’m writing this at 74, at the kitchen table, so forgive the coffee ring. Three things I’m sure of. Show up: my father drove to the plant gate every morning the summer he was laid off, and I never forgot it. Fix what you break, including with people. And save a little of every paycheck, even when it’s silly-small. I’m sorry I missed so many games in the overtime years. I thought it was the right trade, and I’m no longer sure. Be kind to your mother about the thermostat. Love, Frank.
To a community
To the night shift on 4 West, and everyone I trained in 38 years of nursing. You’ll never remember all the patients, and that’s fine. Remember the one who was scared at 3 a.m., and that you sat down instead of standing. That’s the whole job. I learned it from a charge nurse named Bea in 1971, who told me: “Chairs are for patients’ families and for nurses who mean it.” Sit down. Wash your hands. Go home and sleep. With pride in all of you, Margaret.
To whoever reads this
I don’t know who will find this. Maybe my niece, maybe a stranger who buys this desk at an estate sale. Either way, hello. I’m 81. I was a bookkeeper, I never married, and I had a very good life, which surprises people. What I learned: a quiet life is not a small one. Libraries are the best deal in America. Call people on their birthdays; nobody minds. And write things down, because I’ve outlived most of the people who could have told my stories for me. So I’m telling them myself. Joan.
What to leave out
- Anything about property. Don’t promise the ring or the cabin in a legacy letter. Put that in your legal will, so the two documents never look like they disagree.
- Score-settling. If it would read as an accusation, cut it. The letter will outlast the argument.
- Other people’s secrets. Your story is yours to tell. Someone else’s diagnosis, affair, or debt is not.
- Orders about other people’s lives. “I hope you’ll keep the farm” lands better than “Never sell the farm.” Phrase wishes as hopes.
Where to keep it and when to share it
Keep your ethical will with the rest of your end-of-life papers, as a separate document, and tell the person who will handle your affairs where it is. Our end-of-life planning checklist covers the full set: the will, the directives, the funeral wishes, and the obituary draft. Keep a second copy somewhere else.
When to share it is your call. Some people read theirs aloud at a milestone birthday or a holiday meal. Some hand a copy to two or three people. Some leave it sealed. Sharing it while you’re here has one big advantage: people can ask you about it. Reread it every few years and update anything that’s changed. If you’re also sorting a lifetime of belongings, Swedish death cleaning suggests leaving the letters and photos for last, and this letter belongs in that pile.
When one page isn’t enough
Here’s what usually happens. You write “Show up” as a lesson, and then you think of the plant gate, and the overtime years, and the night your own kid showed up for you, and suddenly one page feels like a postcard from a very long trip. A legacy letter is the summary. The stories are the evidence, and they don’t fit on a page.
So write the letter, and keep the long version somewhere too. It can be a notebook, a few typed chapters, or a recording of you telling the stories out loud. If you’d rather talk than write, Memoirji asks you questions about your life one at a time, in your browser, on WhatsApp, or on LINE, and writes your spoken answers up as chapters. It’s free to start. If you’re not sure what that longer version would even be, here’s what a memoir is, in plain English. The letter says what you believe. The stories show where it came from. Both are yours to keep for the record, whether or not anyone ever asks for them.
